Today is Saturday, January 30th, 2010. Your name is Pete, you've taken a powerful hallucinogenic. Nothing you see is real. Stay calm.
Today's top stories. CNN Headlines to stories I didn't read.
1. Gay dating advertisement sacked by CBS. Really CNN? Sacked? Why didn't you just say "Gay dating advertisement sucked off CBS schedule in political reach around.".
2. Police: 743 lbs of Pot in septic tank. Pete: 1 fluid oz of Jizz in my pants.
3. Pics of drinking Aid Doctors (in Haiti) cause uproar. After finishing their uproar, protestors got in their cars , turned on the heat, plugged in their ipods and drove home. Once home they had a light snack (even though they promised themselves they wouldn't eat after 8pm anymore, but hey they earned it today.) watched Jersey Shore in HD on DVR and finally retired to their beds comfortable and safe. Their last thought before drifting off into a dreamless slumber; "Thank God I'm not in Haiti.'
Speaking of Jersey Shore, in Entertainment news:
4. Snooki disses Springer. Which reminds me of the time I watched my dog eat his own throwup.
And That's everything that happened so far today.
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